I’m not sure if this will be more humbling, embarrassing, or motivating for me. I can hardly put into words what motherhood has done to me. Beyond the literal exhaustion, it has rocked my world in so many ways. Here are 10 things that I have learned about myself in 2 years of motherhood. Can you believe it? TWO YEARS… that’s it. I feel like a totally different person.
(newborn baby Cami. the bringer of all things motherhood.)
1. I WAS SO LAZY. Pre-kids, I’m talking sleep in until noon, lazy. Thinking of wasting my days like that make me sick now. 90% of my errands/housework are done before noon. How many hours of my life have I wasted?! I like to think I was just stocking up on precious sleep before I had to start waking up at 7am on the reg.
2. I WAS SO SELFISH. This one is touchy for me. I have struggled with pride and the “I-can-do-no-wrong” attitude. LOL no. I can’t tell you how often I don’t think about myself now. Motherhood has been VERY humbling for me. Extra money? Buy all the baby clothes. Extra time? Cuddle all the babies and lay on the couch (still lazy deep to my core, ha!) This was a huge turning point for me when I was thrown head first into #MOMLIFE. It’s not about me. It was never about me.
3. I REALLY DON’T NEED SLEEP. We have been so “blessed” with kids that sleep well. But those full nights of sleep don’t come without struggles. Eli’s first night here, homeboy woke up EVERY 30 MINUTES!!! It was so bad, I was bawling by the time 7am rolled around. But guess what, we got dressed and took care of business that day without batting an eye. I really can function without sleep. On the random, “bad nights” that Cameron and Eli have had, we push through and continue on with our days. I’ve learned that if I dwell on the bad nights anxiety starts creeping in the closer we get to bedtime. After all, why did God invent the coffee bean? Hmmmm?
4. I REALLY DON’T NEED FOOD. Haha, oh but I do. I can’t tell you how many times I’m running around all day to be smacked down by my growling stomach. Thanks for helping me shed the baby weight? But also making me a huge grump to deal with. I’ve got to eat more often, ha!
5. DRY SHAMPOO IS LIFE. Ahh, gross, but so true. I wash my hair maybe 2-3 times a week. It’s so much easier to spray some smell good into my hair and move along. Case in point, the other day (after I washed my hair) I was straightening it and we looked at the clock and realized we were late to an appointment. Well there goes that. I tossed it up and had the worst ponytail headache EVER. Plus, having my hair “fixed” makes me feel like I’ve got it together. It’s the little things.
6. I AM SO EMO…TIONAL. Dear Lord, help me. Anytime I read/watch a story that is inherently sad about kids. I cry. I start to tumble down the rabbit hole of “What is that were Cameron or Eli?” Very dangerous. Thinking about the little Rollie Pollies that were once my kids can also throw me into a fit of despair. Listening to those big belly laughs makes me laugh so hard I cry because I love them so much. I pretty much don’t watch TV or listen to the radio anymore, it’s not worth it!
7. I MARRIED THE GREATEST HUMAN ON THE EARTH. I didn’t fantasize about getting married. I didn’t fantasize about what my kids would look like. I don’t think those thoughts ever crossed my mind growing up (selfish). Oh boy, but I did when I met Tyler. We talked about this the other day. That’s how I knew. He takes over bath time, dancing with Cameron, and now feeding Eli his meals on top of providing for us and making a life for us. The weight he bears for us is monumental. He loves these little people just as much as I do and I couldn’t be more thankful. I always thought he was the shizz but something about watching your heart love on other pieces of your heart is earth shattering. THE GREATEST.
8. EMBRACE THE MESS. This is another huge struggle of mine. My chaos. The piles of laundry, dishes, mail, toys, bottles, random crap…it is chaos here 24/7! But guess what? It’s mine and it means that we have food, clothes, and beautiful healthy children to tend to. It is hard for me to take a second and breathe it in, but when I do, it’s so freeing. (Also, I’m team get a maid/housekeeper/cleaning lady.)
9. DID I MENTION THE SELFISHNESS? No joke, this is worth mentioning twice. Take a second and think about your self before you got pregnant, maybe even during your pregnancy. What was important to you? Probably not the same things you care about now. Cameron brought all of my flaws to the surface and said “Hey mom, you can work on this. I will help you. But also, it’s not about you…I NEED YOU.” Ouch. Thanks girlfriend. I am a huge advocate for maintaining your identity outside of motherhood but not at the expense of these sweet babies. They need us. They don’t need us to be perfect, have six pack abs, magazine worthy homes, or anything else superficial. They need us to be healthy, mentally and physically. They need us to catch them when they fall and not pay so much attention to what other people think. That’s what they need. It’s not about me.
10. TIME DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ME. This one stings a little bit. No amount of praying, bribery, or tears will slow down time. It just really doesn’t care about me. I spend the sleepless nights begging for a few months to pass. When they do, I can’t sleep at night praying for time to slow down just a little bit. Ironic, huh? Savor every single second with your kid(s). Put your phone down, go play in the mud, or just eat some ice cream. It’ll be fine.
(eli is 6 months old…what the what?!)
I know I have many more lessons and mountains to climb. Our baby season is 6 months away from being over. (Umm, but they will always be MY babies.) This is a doozy. But I’m sure having two toddlers will prove to be a feat of its own. I’m ready. It goes by so quickly it’s not even worth getting bent out of shape over! What have you learned about yourself since becoming a mom?